Serenity Now

      Whew, its been a crazy week, phone calls, real estate addendums, people wanting this, wanting that, pay this pay that.  

     Today I went to the town office to get a copy of Anders Death Certificate , yes, I cried but its okay just seeing it in print it kinda cuts like a knife is all, I needed it for the lawyer evidently the buyers bank wanted it since of course the house was in both our names .  So after I got it and dropped it off at the lawyers, I went to the local propane company to see if I could schedule them to install a 100 lb tank on my camper once I move it....Nope sorry we don't do that.....ahhh yes, so I went to tractor supply and got another space heater and another small 20lb tank, alls it will run now is the propane stove and I'll probably run the furnace to keep the camper up to temperature than shut it off. 

     The electrician came to the cabin yesterday and checked the electric and said all looks good and I won't have to worry about blowing fuses, He installed a new 30amp outlet for me to plug the camper into so I can run all the space heaters I need when its really cold. I was please to find an outlet in the area I'm going to put the chickens so I will have a place to plug in their heated water dish, and a light in there too!  The cabin was cozy warm with just the small electric space heater so thinking its insulated better than we thought, not that I want to live in there permanently but will be spending a few nights on the couch in there as I decided its going to be easier to move in with out the camper in the way of the moving van.  I sent the electrician a copy of my little house to give me an estimate.

     Today I started calling to get services switched over and then my daughter mentioned she didn't think there was a mailbox on the property so I checked an no there isn't, so I went to go get a post office box , course when they assigned my number she mentioned that it was a least a foot of the floor in the post office since the post office has flooded twice just this year once 7 feet I told her that if I knew it was going to rain heavy I'd be sure to come get my mail LOL also eventually I'll put up a mailbox at the house but will wait until the site work is done maybe even the house. I got the electric service scheduled to be switched and when I went to switch the internet...they told me I probably wouldn't be happy with it where I'm going because for some reason in that town its 2/3 slower than here...so I checked another provider, nope can't get it, then another one, nope, so had to go with Starlink...which is why I went to get my post office box since I need a place to mail it too since who knows when it will get mailed...

     I went to the camper and installed the new propane tank and low and behold I went to light the stove and no gas was coming in...ugh ...so went to my facebook winter camping group and they gave me some tips on how to fix that problem so I'll try Monday since I just want to stay home tomorrow...LOL  

     I came home , unloaded the car, fed ex came with the new mattress for the camper then I decided to take a hot shower and get comfy which I did, sweat pants, Anders viking kitty t shirt and his flannel shirt.  now I'm watching starwars in time line order...:) best movies ever...

    Monday I start switching all my addresses on everything I can remember.....Oh I got all the times for the closing, so before I go to the last one for my land I'll load up the car with as much stuff as I can fit with stuff from the garage as that needs to go in first. then I'll go look at that view again, oh how Anders would love this view.... 

A New Year

 

     Its been a busy week ,  I've packed up a bunch more stuff. The Realtors on both places have been sending me messages, things I need to do , contact utility companies , insurance etc etc. Still haven't got the low down from the lawyer yet though on the closing date and time confirmation so I haven't ordered the U haul yet.  But time is ticking ! I've got a bunch of ideas on things I want to try to get done outside before the ground freezes up or we get a ton of snow. Number one steps up to the camper with a platform that I can put my grass rug on to wipe my feet on, a dog fence which means I'll have to pound a few posts into the ground anywhere the trees aren't close enough, LED white Christmas lights all around the house to light it up some so people know someone is living there and makes it easier for me to bring the dogs out IF I can't get the dog fence up in time. All these things I am looking forward to doing! I remember putting up fencing when Anders and I moved here, because when we moved here he shortly went back to work! I remember my neighbor joking about how he would be out on his deck drinking a beer and watching me driving in fence posts and putting up fencing. I am NOT afraid of hard work.

These are photos from when we moved here, this is the dining room/kitchen, it was the same in the Living room and master bedroom! I remember the day after we moved in was the superbowl and I stayed up late that night cleaning an isle in the livingroom so Anders could watch the superbowl on TV. While he did that I unpacked the kitchen.

Now I don't even have enough boxes to fill ONE room! I have decluttered and simplified so very much! Keeping whats important feels great and it gives me more room for new memories.

     So its a new year I admit this morning I made a mistake and watched a video that Anders made , I don't know if you've ever lost anyone Your Mother, Father, Spouse and you say..."oh if I could only hear their voice again....." Well so I watched this...

Anders heading up "exclamationpoint alley"  ( which has a story of its own on why I called it that)  hearing his voice for sure sent me into a direction I have worked so hard to avoid but I know thats all part of the process. It made me so proud to watch the video though as he loved his job so much and was so very good at it. 730' ship for anyone who doesn't know, we all teased him about the stories he ALWAYS told about it, but you know I would give anything now to hear "the football story" course I think i have most of them memorized .  BUT I'm not going to let this get me down, yes I am allowed some tears but later I'm going to get my warm coat on and go out for a walk and get some fresh air. Clear my head and start taking apart my last lego set "mos eisley"  I can't wait for my Granddaughters and I to rebuild them again on the front porch of my new little house. 

So yes the New Year and 2 weeks to go til I move and begin my new life , the best part is the process of beginning that new life will be doing the things I love to do, spending time outdoors, and using tools to build things! 

17 days to go...

 Packing -  3/4 of my belongings are packed, one thing that this process has taught me is we all collect too much stuff! I'm thankful that for the past year because Anders and I were planning this eventual move so I have already sold or tossed out so much "stuff".   I have only allowed myself one box of Old memories ( my kids school papers, baby books, etc ....)  I already have plans in my new house to have one wall that is full of built in shelves with designated spots of memories, one shelf exclusively for things that were Anders, and I can't wait til I can put them out again already.

Its exciting to be planning my future, yesterday I talked to an electrician whose going to go to my new property to install a new 30amp outlet outside to hitch up my camper to. This will make it so I won't have to worry about blowing fuses when I fire up the microwave or the toaster over  .. and if I find I need it I can get another one of those cool 4.2 amp infrared heaters for my bedroom.  He is also going to work on a quote on wiring up my new mini home.  

Also great news for me I have so many people lined up to help me move my heart is overflowing and a couple 3 hours from here who offered but I said thanks but no way, but I'm so touched that they offered to help, Lisa your a good friend but stay home * insert heart here!  I'm so happy that I have finally relaxed about the whole scenario, I'll stay in the Cabin until the Camper can be moved , heck I might even bring a can of paint to cover up the weird walls and I'll hang up some of my paintings and pictures in there to make it look....  well better!  

Still waiting for the closing confirmation from my lawyer but meanwhile I pack a little everyday, and look forward to my journey.

Its Christmas?

 So yes Christmas is coming, I did put up a tree but admit to not spending too much time decorating it, The lights are peaceful though and I put Anders Santa Hat on top.  Izzy said I needed to put the presents under the tree so I did that too, Christmas shopping was a bit different too, I really wasn't in to it and not really sure how I did but I'm done so thats that.  I guess Christmas just isn't the same this year understandably, hoping next year I can partake in it a little more.

Wednesday the house was appraised, the person who came said she already checked out the comps and didn't feel there would be a problem getting the value out that the buyers offered but I'm still not packing anymore until I get the official word. I've done a bit more though, One room upstairs totally empty, cleaned and door shut. The master has just a couple things to bring down with some assistance so I don't scratch the new floor up there. 

I'm amazed how little I have to move since I've cleaned out so much and the buyers are keeping a bunch of larger items I offered them. Simplifying is awesome. 

I've been making lists, lists and more lists, things I need to buy, people I need to call, things I need to do, you name it, I've been chatting up a lot on the facebook group I belong to , surviving winter in an RV, they have given me so many tips on winterizing my camper!  You'd be surprised how many people live in a RV full time, and so many who live in the northern states and Canada. I really like it when I'm taking to people and they support me and not tell me I'm crazy and I'm going to freeze to death *insert crazy face here. I'm still really excited about it, although still stressing a bit about the logistics of the actual move so I try not to think about it , I've actually slept amost 8 hours for a few nights in a row with the help of my magic benadryl tablet.  So somethings have eased my mind a bit, others not so much.  

I'm so happy that the longest night has passed. the days are starting to get longer and it won't be long until we notice the difference!  I so look forward to spending so very much outside again. It's been years since I've been able to spend all day outdoors.  

So the next step is to get through Christmas and New Years Even without Anders, remembering the games we used to play while watching the ball drop. I'll probably watch some movies and play games on my computer.  then it will be pack, pack, pack, and start moving somethings into the camper. whew.....

Being Grateful for what I DO have...

 So much joy in my life yesterday *insert big heart here! My two wonderful Granddaughters spent the day with me, we played games, watched a movie, took apart more lego sets, did some crafting/art. Also before we left their house for mine when I picked them up, I got a video chat call from my Children and Grandchildren in Germany * another heart here!  It is a season that brings so much joy but admit it's not the same for sure this year.  For the most part though I'm mostly able to hold it together by thinking and being grateful for 

1. The time Anders and I did have together and all the fun we had and joys we shared, sure those memories bring some tears but I know they always will and thats okay.

2. For my family all of them , children, grandchildren, sisters, brother ( and the in laws too!), aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews. Love them all and appreciate every message I get from them.

3. For the fact I have a roof over my head and food enough to eat and to feed my critters.

4. My three kitties, two dogs, chickens and goaties. ( for those who haven't heard because of my concern of a big move for the goaties, I asked and the new owners of my current house have offered to keep my goaties so they can live out their lives here where they are familiar and feel safe. Goats don't handle stress well at all and I'm so grateful for them for doing this for me.)

5. Grateful for all my friends, those I get to see in person and those who support me from a far thats one good thing about the internet! Also the fact that so far I have two offers of help with loading up my UHAUL on the 14th - would love all the help I can get as I admit now this is my biggest stress factor ( there has to be something right?! )  

Loading the Uhaul on the 14th, then 15th selling one house, then buying property later in the day, hopefully the weather cooperating so that Ryan can move my camper to my property,  I went to look and indeed the people taking care of the property have had the driveway plowed so that there is room to park it . But honestly if he can't move it that day I can stay in the cabin until he moves it or in the camper where it sits at my daughters so I really should stop worrying about that part....( easier said than done) I need to make a set of steps with a landing for the camper for the dogs though as Whiskey just turned 13 and the current steps on the camper I'm pretty sure he won't like ) Which is why I may spend the first night on the couch in the cabin. 

This is where my camper will sit way back there , I look forward to moving all the wood piles  and burning them in the wood stove inside that "cabin" . I am excited but I just need the logistics of the move to happen * insert crazy face here! 

Friday I laid down so puzzle mats on the non carpeted part of the main camper floor and got some scatter rugs to help with wet dog and people feet. I have a big rug I'll put down there once its moved and leveled because the slide out exposes more of the floor. its going to be so cozy. I also got window covers for the really cold nights and clear plastic to cover them all to help with the drafts. I installed my new Electric heater, will need help installing the propane one once moving day gets closer.

Here it is with the slide out ,  What makes this doable with all the critters is the fact there is a garage, and inclosed spot for my chickens and the "cabin" where a wood stove resides so we can all hang in there if we feel cooped up on a day to crappy to do stuff outside. Although both my dogs laze the day away mostly so I imagine Montgomery on the big bed in the gooseneck , whisky on the couch and me in the rocker chair, hanging out while I read, puzzle, crochet, or watch movies on those days . Course Montgomery loves to be outside but will have to be on a run as he will run away otherwise , Whiskey I'm grateful is a homebody and never ventures away from Mom. As soon as I'm able I'll be fencing in some of the yard for the chickens and dogs.

Yes some think this is crazy, but I can't wait for it to happen, I'm totally lost in this "big" house now, two floors of rooms that I have no use for.  Course in February I'll be making lots of phone calls getting quotes on building my new little house..:)  My adventure is getting closer  28 days to go! 

The wait begins

 

Christmas is weeks away but admit not feeling the joy of the Holiday season for reasons I'm sure you totally understand. However because of this venture I'm on I'm not engulfed in grief I'm looking towards the future.  I am so grateful that Anders and I were able to talk about all this in the last few months before he passed.  He was such a brave man, never complained and was never afraid. Not sure if he did this for my benefit or not but I'm thinking yes, he hated to see people sad. Regardless he prepared me for this future and I'm grateful.

I'm not putting many decorations out, just enough to make the place colorful. I treasure things I have that have been passed down or given to me from family for this season, gives me a connection somehow to them.  

This week I got my heaters for the Camper as I don't expect the onboard HVAC to do much in Vermont winters. I got a really neat electric infrared heater that evidently you can actually heat your house with if you put one in every room, it only pulls 4.2 amps so will help me not blow fuses in the camper something my online "surviving winter in an RV" has taught me! I also got a highly recommended propane heater that I'll only use in the daytime. Course once I'm actually living in it I'll get some foam insulation to skirt the bottom and the gooseneck and slide out. Insulate windows and the door. Yes I've research this venture!  Some think I'm crazy, but you know I'm excited about it. HONEST!  

BTW I didn't HAVE to sell my house I could of stayed here forever but it just feels so empty, its way to big for just me and my critters and way too much land for me to take care of when I really want to enjoy my life. The last seven years I've spent caring for my Husband and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Thru sickness and in health , when we say those vows no one really considers what it truly means, ask me I can tell you.  Anyhow, I look forward to going back to the gym, to walking, hiking, doing some fun runs, working on cleaning up my new property as oh my its has plenty to do but luckily less that an acre!

Here is where I'll be living for the winter :) How cool is this?

Now here is my future....:)  I can't wait to sit out under the covered porch and watch the rain.

Yesterday I said I was going to take a run to the dump and to Big Lots however I didn't. I ended up taking longer than I thought to clean out more stuff from drawers etc, and replacing the zipper on Izzys coat. It's cold out today 6F currently  but a clear blue sky, ( always sunny on really cold days since there are no clouds to cover us in a cozy cloud blanket in the winter) Anyhow I will run those errands today.  While I wait for the word on my house to be appraised for its future owners.  Once thats done that I will really start packing. :) 

The passing of an important life.

 Once again I've decided to restart my blog on suggestion from my sister so she can keep track of my life as it is about to change big time well, actually its already changed big time but day by day from now on its leading me in a different direction.

     My husband Anders passed away a month ago today as I type this. Even typing this its hard to believe. I know he's not here but for anyone who has known me awhile knows that even though we were together for 22 years 1/2 that time he was on a ship so honestly it feels like he's just gone back to work.  Funny thing is? When he passed I think thats just what he did. If you believe in life after death as I do then you understand how I could feel his spirit just up and leave when he slipped away. He loved his job , something not many people can claim. He was proud of his position as a ship Captain, As I was so proud of him too. We all heard the stories of how big the ship was and so many of his adventures, He was a very well respected Captain though and did things with that ship that many can't even do in a car!  

     Regardless, he loved his Grandchildren and his golf Game oh yes and me too , he called me his Country Girl, our life was filled with laughter and love.  We loved to play games, backgammon, badminton and mini golf.  Often having year long competitions that would end on New Years Eve with the winner having bragging rights for the rest of the year.  Unfortunately each of those fun things ended as his health declined year after year after his diagnoses of mesothelioma 7 years ago. 

     Last fall we decided that life would be easier if we sold our home and got a small place with an acre of land, less for me to care for and closer to our family .  We thought we'd be taking that step together but once again, his heath took a sudden turn for the worse so during the last few months of his life we talked about my future and what it would look like , it made him feel better to know I would be okay. Even the last few days of his life he would crack jokes just to make me smile.  

    I got the house cleaned, painted, patched and friends helped me put down a new floor upstairs, my wonderful son in law helped me fix up the stairs going down to the 1/2 finished basement. The house was listed last Wednesday and yesterday I signed a contract with closing on the 19th of January. He will be coming with me by way of his Urn and his ashes that I will spread on my new property ( we discussed that too) 

    So I take the steps alone but I know he watches over me from time to time, I'll fill you in on my next steps soon.

Donna Mae